504th post. Unhappy.

Honestly, I abhor my CCA committee. I am blogging this after much consideration. I have taken into consideration that, anybody can read this blog post as it is unsecured including my dear CCA teachers and of course the main people I'll be talking about. Perhaps my dear seniors who've graduated may see this, and perhaps you guys may confront me or send me for councelling. I don't really care anymore. Being a straight forward person that prefers not to hide anything, I'll use the original names. Besides, this is a post to take my mind of things and hopefully remove some of the hatred in me.

I really hate my President. I hate that she has to be the President. I hate that I have to respect her as my President. I hate that she is the President when she's only Sec2. I hate that, teacher chose her and not my batchmates. I hate to think that teacher may think that my batchmates are incapable of leading the orchestra to greater heights. I hate to think that, people will look down on our CCA. I hate that people from other CCAs pity or predicament. I hate that my conductor is losing faith in us. I hate that he has to make us lose faith by choosing a newbie. I hate to think that he did this for his personal gain. I hate to think that he has given up on us. I hate to know that I will only have 5 sessions of practice before the concert. I hate to think that our performance will be a failure. I hate to think that we'll disgrace ourselves.  I hate that scene when the lower sec presidents went up the stage on Leaders Commencement Day to recieve their collar pin. I hate to see that pin on the President's collar. I hate that she has to have the upperhand.l hate to remember how my batchmates felt when the new committee was announced. I hate to accept that we have 3 lowers secs as Presidents. ( I have nothing against the VPs ). I hate to have to see the unhappy faces of my batch mates when they attend practice. I hate that when we have any camps in future our current president has to be in the committee. I hate that feeling of uselessness that I have. I hate to see my conductor acting like we're a bunch of bad apples not worth his time. I hate to think that our conductor is on the verge of leaving us.

Yet, the things that I hate has happened or is happening or will happen.

Honestly, teachers ( including my conductor ) has made the wrong mistake of choosing the President. I hate to point any fingers at any teachers as I don't know the truth. All I think is, this is a wrong choice. What made it wronger was that the 2 VPs are also lower sec. This had not only affected the morale of our batch as a whole but also our mood in CO. It's not that we didn't try to accept, it is just that, it is just too difficult. As you can see, the group cannot function without a good leader. I am not doubting the capabilities of my President mind you, but I think that she can be put on the "waiting list" and of course gain some experience first as a junior in our CCA and also, she'll also understand more about how our CCA is ran.
What's done cannot be undone.

Honestly now, what worries me is the lack of practice.
Our concert is around the corner. Yet our practice schedule clashes with our Academic programmes and overseas learning trip. I am really scared.

Right now, I have lost all passion for CO. I only have responsibility towards my CCA that I should have. I am currently waiting to leave my CCA. To be free from the evil clutches of my CCA. If I could rewind time, I would not have chosen this CCA. However, I do not regret choosing CO as my CCA either as it has also given me many good memories and the feeling of everyone working towards a common goal. Right now, I have accepted this situation more of less.

Lastly, I apologise if anyone got hurt while reading this post. This is just my honest opinion on the situation.